Friday, July 24, 2009

Pastor Kerney Thomas...Seriously WHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?!

Friday, July 24, 2009

I'm bizack! For those who missed IamXI, I apologize for being away for so long and neglecting you. But, I'd like to personally thank XIKhai for holding it down and updating the site with such intriguing articles daily as well as all our contributors who posted in my absence. I truly love my XI family!

With that being said, I want to hit you all with something this Friday morning that is so hilariously funny that I HAD to share! This definitely brought a smile, grin, chuckle, giggle, and belly-aching laugh to my face...

Last night, after an intense aquatics workout class and dinner with my Mom, I came home to relax and wind down. Of course that included some television and falling fast asleep on my couch. Well, I was awaken this AM by Pastor Kerney Thomas. Oh, and if you haven't heard of him then this post is for you, and as you continue reading you'll know why I was awaken out of my slumber.

I first heard of Pastor Kerney on the Rickey Smiley show one morning a few months ago as I drove into work. Smiley was saying the same thing pretty much that I mentioned in the previous paragraph (TV on, waking up in the middle of the night, flipping channels or something to that effect). Unfortunately, I wasn't in the car long enough to hear the actual audio of Pastor Kerney, so I really didn't have ANY clue as to why Smiley was cutting up on this man so tough. But oh, now I know!

Just some insight into who Pastor Kerney is... His website bio states, Pastor Kerney Thomas was his parents' "second born child and while they were using birth control, determined not to have any more children at that time, God had a greater purpose." Pastor Kerney has ministered full time since 1981 all over the world and is currently serving as Senior Pastor of the ABUNDANT LIFE INTERNATIONAL CHURCH OF GOD IN CHRIST. He has traveled, preached, and conducted Miracle Crusades throughout the US...

Alright that's enough of the BS, this is my account of what I know of Pastor Kerney... Apparently, Pastor Kerney is a full fledged TV evangelist. And I mean, he is typical of EVERY stereotype that you've ever seen and heard of when it comes to black pastors (Tyler Perry's 'Mr. Brown' and Coming To America's 'Reverend Brown' comes to mind). He screams and yells, prays and shouts, shucks and jives all for the 'Lawd' while hawking free "personal prayer packages" and a "Red Blood of Jesus Prayer Hankerchief." Yep! A plain ole red piece of cloth dubbed the "Prayer Hanky" will bring miracles to you in your life. Although his "products" are free by way of the Miracle Prayer Line, don't fret, you can also donate or "sow a seed by check or credit card" because "this is not a debt you owe but a seed you sow and when you sow it God will grow it!" And even though Pastor Kerney can barely speak proper English himself, he speaks in tongues too... Or rather, he recites MJ's infamous "mamasay mamasa mumakusa," but that is NO comparison to the foolishness of Pastor Kerney's "GAAAAAAAAAAAWD." Yes, he literally screams this out whenever he says "God." Needless to say, you know how I woke up at 4 o'clock this morning to compose this post.

Now, IamXI is not trying to offend anyone or have you thinking that I don't believe in a higher power or that I'm poking and making fun of religion, faith and whatnot. But, THIS is some foolywangness if I've ever seen have to admit it...Check out this 'Best Of' for yourself:

Oh and BTW, I found this priceless gem on the only place where you can see Pastor Kerney Thomas daily, 4-5am Eastern Time... None other than, good ole Black Entertainment Television. Yup! B.E.T...

Pastor Kerney Thomas...Seriously WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?! The devil's a lie!

For those of you who are interested in more information on Pastor Kerney Thomas for whatever reason, you can visit his website: (And yes, that is Furonda from America's Next Top Model in the picture for "Prayer Request" on the homepage. Mmm, I guess her modeling career hasn't gone very far.)


SirValentino said...

WOW...I've never heard of this fellow but GAAAAAAWWWWD!! he's annoying...LOL @ "foolywangness".

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