Tuesday, June 16, 2009

INTERCEPTED: WHAT...no more sports until when....

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

MASS HYSTERIA! HORRIFYING BOREDOM! OMG OMG OMG!

So it's that time of year again (June-August) where there's NOTHING and
I mean NOTHING sports related on TV. (Unless of course you're a golf or baseball fan...and then you're covered) But for the rest of us miserable saps this is one of the worst times of the year...when the basketball season has finally come to a close and the football season is too far off to begin. What a state of depression it puts me in...and I've been here since January 2009 folks.

Since I've been dealing with the "football jitters or shakes" for some time, I'm well into recovery mode and I'm here to help all of my fellow sports addicts get through this very trying time. I know...I know...no one understands you...your wife/girlfriend thinks your crazy and need to get over it. Your kids are wondering why you lie around on the couch all day watching SportsCenter highlights from the Finals game or NFL Total Access on NFL Network. It's been 2 days and you haven't gotten your sports fix since Sunday (DAMN that Kobe for not taking this to 7 games...damn him and his quest for his 4th RING!)

Ok so now that we've let it all out, breathe...and relax as I take you through some things you can do to overcome your sports withdrawal.

Now like any other addiction and recovery program, the first step of resolving the problem is admitting that you in fact HAVE a problem. So click here for a list of warning signs. If any of these signs apply to you and your situation come back and I will help you with some sports withdrawal therapy. (Made that up myself ;)) (Please note: The link is related to football related symptoms so to all of my basketball fans just apply that to a typical BB season and go from there. Just use your imagination just like you did when you saw your team winning the championship at the beginning of the season. ;))

Alright! Now that we've turned your denial into reality here are some tips to help get you through the next few months. I can't guarantee a complete and full recovery but I am sure that these "Recovery tips" will make the process far less painful and detrimental to your life and those around you.

Recovery Tip #1: Spend time with friends and family. You do remember your family right? Yeah...they're the people you've neglected for the past 6-9 months. Uh-huh I'm sure you've pissed a lot of folks off so this is your chance to make up for all of the things you put off to catch the game. And your friends...um they're not so happy with you either, as I'm sure they've all noticed that the only time you want to "visit" is to take advantage of their high definition flat screen TV. Work that out ok! Get back on good terms with them.

Recovery Tip #2: Catch up on any/all back-logged work. Work...ahhh yes, the place that actually pays you to sit at your desk and watch the ESPN ticker scroll across your screen all dayum day. Right...those people who are the reason you have access to the Internet and live streaming capability...yeah you might wanna get to filing all of that paperwork that's stacked up on your desk underneath all of your sports clippings and paraphernalia. Can't keep up with SportsCenter from the unemployment office now can you?

Recovery Tip #3: Get a hobby! Find something you love to do and do it. If your only love is sports find a sports related hobby. You can coach or help out with a local football or basketball team at a recreation center for kids. Volunteer at the stadium where your favorite teams plays (if you're a home team fan) and inquire about opportunities within. Volunteers are always needed everywhere and I'm sure sports facilities are no exception. Just don't turn into one of those stalkers waiting for the athletes to show up so you get an autograph. Not a good look!

Recovery Tip #4: Pick up a bad habit like drinking heavily and often or chain smoking. Fact: Habits take up all of your time and ensure you with plenty of distractions. And with habits like these the distractions are sure to come pouring in here are a few examples: financial hardship (have you seen the price of cigarettes lately, that's sure to piss off the wife), domestic disputes (nothing makes a family dispute more lively than some alcohol induced drama...right.) Oh here's a good one, public scrutiny and judgment (who doesn't like criticizing an alcoholic lung cancer candidate, then folks who don't know you. So you'll spend plenty of time cussing folks out and making a scene which are both great distractions.) Ok so recovery tip #4 is kinda mean BUT it's also a legitimate distraction from sports so don't get upset.

Recovery Tip #5: Start a fitness regimen. Let's face it folks...most fans of sports (present company EXCLUDED!) are a little flabby and plump in all the wrong places...no judgment here...but I'm assuming most could stand to lose a couple of lbs. And there's no better distraction than a long grueling workout, which incidentally helps to reduce anxiety and frustration brought on from watching baseball highlights just for the hell of it. Look at the lifestyle we chose in watching sports...sitting in front of the TV for 3 + hours, complete with food and remote in hand, yelling at the top of our lungs. Cannot be good for your body for a number of reasons. So it can't hurt to get up and take the kids outside and throw the ball around in the yard a little. Or get up and go for a walk or jog around the neighborhood. Better yet...call all of your other catatonic brethren for a quick pick up game of basketball and TOUCH football (don't get out there thinking you're Deion Sanders and hurt yourselves...touch football will due just fine.)

Recovery Tip #6 (your best option IMO): COME TO eXclusivity Inc.'s blog and click on the "Intercepted" tag where you can find plenty of sports related articles, in depth news and analysis, and plenty of whining and counting down to the start of the seasons. Why not be among friends in your time of need? I understand your sorrow and will happily serve as your "pusher" until the tough times are over. ;)

I hope this helps all of you through the next few months as well as made you laugh. At the very least I helped kill at least 10 mins. of sports withdrawal agony.

If you think of any additional RT's or if you're currently doing something that has helped you... post it in our comments section below. We'd love to hear from you!

2 comments:

Team_SixPack said...

Ahem.. Missy... MLS Runs through the summer. Then we have the European league to follow practically all winter... THEN next summer, exactly 359 days from now -- not that I'm counting or anything, The greatest international sports competition ever... kicks off in south africa... Just warning you I will be in 100% fever pitch football mode. Fine, I'll call it soccer.

Team_SixPack said...

p.s. I love your list though :) especially the one about getting involved and getting off your butt!

pps. I was talking about the world cup up there in case you didn't get that ;)

http://www.widgetbox.com/widget/world-cup-2010-countdown

 
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